Couples Counseling in Ft Lauderdale (33301 and 33308)

Your partner comes home from work late, makes a beeline for the liquor cabinet and then sulks off silently or sits in front of the tv for the rest of the night. You haven't had a conversation for weeks beyond figuring out what’s for dinner.  A few arguments over money or late nights out, sure, but no heart-to-hearts. Sex? What's that?

Your relationship is on the rocks, and you both know it. But you aren't sure how to fix things — or if you really want to.

Many couples seek therapy with a similar story.  It’s so easy for our communication to become laced with unspoken expectations and assumptions. Instead we often turn to avoidance, anger and even sadness.  But none of these approaches are going to heal the relationship, or get it moving forward again.

Couples therapy is the ideal forum to begin to shine a light on what is not being said between two people.  It’s also a perfect place to learn how to modify our language so that relationship static and retreat from each other are a thing of the past. 

With couples counseling you will learn about your emotional triggers, how to take the good and leave the bad in your personal reactions to stressful moments, build awareness of your own internal dialogue and see how this contributes to the dialogue you share as a couple.  The number one goal in all couples therapy is to stop the ‘blame’ game.  When each partner can see what they contribute to the conflict, and take responsibility for their role in maintaining the tension, the path is opened for learning and healing. 

-Dr. Corinne Scholtz, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, offers individual, family, couple and marital therapy for relationship challenges in the Downtown Ft. Lauderdale Fl 33301 area and surrounding neighborhoods.  

A Young Therapist's Journey - Part One

I started my journey as a therapist after learning about marriage counseling using Imago Therapy.  I was a senior in college, and very interested in romantic relationships and why some work and others not so much.  What I was about to learn changed my thoughts forever!

Imago Therapy is suitable for individuals and couples seeking greater awareness and understanding of themselves and each other.   It explores what it is we may be looking for in another that we aren't aware of…such cool stuff!  Imagine that each of us walk around with a 'blueprint' in our subconscious about the traits we are looking for in a romantic partner.  Part of what makes up our blueprint is our childhood experience with our most significant figures…usually parents and or guardians.  We internalize their positive and negative traits.  Not only that, but imago therapy investigates our core wounds … those places where we didn't get what we needed as young ones.  Acknowledging wounds isn't a bad thing.  In fact, imago takes it one step further and suggests that in our choice of romantic partner we are seeking to heal these wounds and look to our partner to provide this.

However, the tricky part - where therapy becomes most crucial - , is recognizing how and when our partner triggers our most vulnerable emotions, and instead of getting stuck in a reactive cycle with one another, use this as a path for healing.  It is thought that we will unconsciously attract the person who will most trigger us in order to provoke an opportunity for healing.  

Fascinating stuff, right?

-Dr. Corinne Scholtz offers family, couple and marital therapy for a variety of relationship challenges in the Ft. Lauderdale Fl 33301 area and surrounding neighborhoods.  

Next Inch

"Find your starting point without judgment, and then, find the next inch" - JB

The Center of Connected Living-Fl

Friend on Facebook Follow on Twitter Forward to a Friend Dr. Corinne Scholtz is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist serving Ft. Lauderdale, Coral Ridge, Rio Vista, Victoria Park, Oakland Park, Pompano Beach, Lauderdale-by-the-Sea and surrounding areas.  Her specialties are individual, adolescent, couple and family therapy.   You can sign up to receive free text messages with tips, reminders, and therapeutic nuggets!  Simply text THERAPY to 39970.  'Raising Vibrant Children' I am very excited to announce that I will be presenting my dissertation research at the American Marriage and Family Therapy Conference in Portland Oregon on October 20th!   This is an annual national conference for therapists, students, professionals, academics and more.  This 3-hr. seminar will focus on adolescent girls, self-esteem, and at-risk behaviors.  During the next month I will be offering a free research-based self-esteem questionnaire for adolescent clients seen in the office between the ages of 13-18.  The results may hold valuable insight for both parents and teens alike.  If you or someone you know are interested, please contact me!  561.299.1216 OR corinne.scholtz@connectedliving-fl.com.

You have the right to like yourself even though you aren't perfect!

Emotional Walls

"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."

Goal Setting

"The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it.   What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get."

Jim Rohn

Forgive Yourself - Melody Beattie

Doesn't it feel good to forgive yourself?  You don't have to be afraid or reluctant to do that anymore.  Forgiving yourself doesn't mean that you are condemned.  It means you are setting yourself free.  

We can gather so much guilt as we go through life.  We may blame ourselves for the experiences we've had and how we've handled them.  We may build up resentments against ourselves.  We may even resist forgiving ourselves because we think that means saying we were bad or wrong.  But not forgiving ourselves when we need to often leads us to return to situations not healthy for us.  

Forgiving yourself means you can leave places that feel bad.  You can end relationships that no longer work, you can avoid situations that cause you continual pain and grief.  Forgiving yourself means you can stop punishing yourself for what you've done and what you think you've done wrong.  

-Journey to the Heart.

What's Your Handicap? - Melody Beattie

"What's your handicap?" the golfer asked his partner.  "My childhood" said his companion.

Some handicaps are physical, certain limitations placed on our bodies.  Others are emotional, burdens of heartache from sad or abusive childhoods.   Others may be dealing with a current issue - perhaps facing a terminal illness or grieving an irreparable loss.

After losing my son, I found myself at a point where I simply could no longer stand the agony of waiting for my pain to disappear.  I knew that all my life I would miss him, and I became absolutely despondent.  There is no way out of this, I thought. I'm spending my life waiting for this paint o disappear so I can begin living my life again.  But the pain never will disappear.  And I'll never begin living my life again.  That's when a gentle idea began to change my life.

I began to understand that I was living and working with a handicap.  The loss would always be there.  The pain and heartache would always be present.  I could accept that, treat it like a handicap, and within that framework go ahead and live my life once more.

Many of us are living with handicaps.  Some will change over time, but other's won't.  If that's the case, stop waiting for your handicap to disappear.  Instead, decide to live with it.  Work around it.  Treat yourself with care and gentleness.  Allow yourself to feel and experience all of the limitations and emotions of your present situation.  Accept them.  Let them be part of you, part of your experience.

-Journey to the Heart.

Blame

Any blame I feel about today's life events is a clear indicator that I am avoiding my own issues.

Feelings

'If you avoid any specific feeling long enough, it will come to dominate you.  You will be fearful and live your life as though there is some shark who is poised to attack.  Feel the feeling and that shark disappears.'

Self-Responsibility

'The ultimate in self-responsiblity: Wherever I am unhappy, there is where I need to change myself. Most of us blame others.'

Abundant Living IV

Commit to doing what you love! 

'Make a personal commitment to do what you love and love what you do!  Finding and creating your life's work will bring you more abundance than any other single action you take.'

Warmly,

Corinne

Abundant Living III

Network.

'Get into the networking habit.  Send out to others as gifts what you would like to share.  The more you give to others the more you contribute harmony to the world.  You will be shocked at how much more begins circulating back into your life.'

Warmly, 

Corinne 

Abundant Living II

Be Grateful...

'The first step toward abundance (and transcending scarcity thinking) is giving thanks for everything you are and everything you have.  Make a daily effort to being and focus on what abundance you already have, rather than what you are missing.  Have you started a gratitude journal yet? When you focus on all that you have, you will be using you thought to attract abundance.'

Warmly,

Corinne 

Abundant Living I

Acknowledge Your Beliefs!

'Examine the thoughts and beliefs that you practice and live in your daily life.  If they serve you, then by all means honor them.  Your current beliefs may not serve you.  For example, you may notice you are living a life of lack.  Have you thought this is because you are unlucky instead of recognizing that your belief system may be rooted in scarcity thinking?  If we live with a scarcity mentality, then that is what we will attract into our lives.  Acknowledge whatever beliefs you currently have, and commit to creating anew!'

Warmly,

Corinne

Detachment

Differentiate between the person and the problem!

Take care of yourself!

Admit that some things are beyond your control.

Change the things you can...

Model self-respect,

and enjoy one day at a time.

Warmly,

Corinne

Own your message and realize it comes from your own frame of reference.

You do this be saying:
" I don't agree with you", rather than, "you're wrong"
"I'd like you to mow the lawn" vs. "You should really mow the lawn you know"

Ask for feedback.  'Am I being clear?"  "How do you see this situation?" Asking for feedback can encourage others to correct any misperceptions you may have as well as help others realize that you are expressing an opinion, feeling, or desire rather than a demand.

It is not what you say verbally, but also how you communicate nonverbally with voice tone, gestures, eye contact, facial expressions and posture that will influence your impact on others.

2. Be Direct and deliver your message to the person for whom it is intended.

The following statements project assertiveness:

I want to...
I don't want to...
Would you...
I liked it when you did that...
I have a different opinion...I think that...

Asserting yourself will not necessarily guarantee you happiness or fair treatment by others, nor will it solve all your personal problems or guarantee that other will be assertive and not aggressive toward you.

Specific Techniques for Assertiveness

1. Be as clear and specific as possible about what you need, want, think and feel.

When you allow the needs, opinions, and judgments of others to become more important than your own, you are likely to feel hurt, anxious and even angry.

You can change, enhance and develop your life in any way you determine at any point in time!

Opinions

You have the right to your own values, beliefs, opinions and emotions - and the right to respect yourself for them, no matter the opinion of others.

You have the right to like yourself even though you aren't perfect!

You can always change your mind, make mistakes, and sometimes act illogically with full understanding and acceptance of the consequences.

You have the right to ask for information or help without having negative feelings about your needs.

You have the right to express yourself and say no, or I don't know, or I don't understand...

No explaining

You have the right not to justify or explain your actions or feelings to others.

You have the right to tell others how you wish to be treated.

Life

YOU have the right to decide how to lead your life!

Assertiveness

Do you often find that others coerce you into thinking their way?

Is it difficult to express your positive or negative feeling openly and honestly?

Do you sometimes lose control and become angry at those who don't warrant it?

Assertiveness basically means that ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states you needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other.

-Ryan and Travis

Parent Relationships

Relationships with our parents can be complex.  There are many more emotions going on in these relationships than maybe few others in our lifetime.  Things are not always how they seem.  We are continually negotiating our path in discovering ourselves in the context of our family.  Over time you will grow to blame them less for what’s happened to you.  They are an amazing influence in your life, and what you choose to do with your circumstances is ultimately up to you.  We can choose to not hold them accountable forever. 

Breakdowns

Breakdowns seem to be a normal part of life, but are usually viewed as an aberration.  If we lived well enough, got it together, or acted correctly, we could avoid crises, goes the conventional wisdom.  But it seems into every life crisis must come. - O'Hanlon

The Center of Connected Living -Fl
Dr. Corinne Scholtz, LMFT

Trauma

You can always turn tragedy and trauma into growth and change. www.connectedliving-fl.com

Crisis

We sometimes unconsciously create a crisis for ourselves.  We are complicit in the crisis because we know somewhere deep inside that we need to make fundamental alterations in our lives but can't find a way to do that without the crisis.

O'Hanlon

The Center of Connected Living - Fl.
Dr. Corinne Scholtz, LMFT

Opinions

Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth.  Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon anyone who will accept them.  - Hill

The Center of Connected Living - Fl
Dr. Corinne Scholtz. LMFT

Anger Management

One aspect of anger management is the ability to remain mindful as the anger stirs, the ability to regulate it once it has begun, and empathy to notice them.  If the thoughts persist, try to short-circuit them by saying or thinking STOP, ... and try to substitute reasonable thoughts for cynical, mistrustful ones....

D. Goleman

Always admit when you're wrong. You'll save thousands in therapy... and a few friendships too.
Harvey Fierstein 

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.
Larry David 

I get a lot of the ideas when I'm resting - either when I'm meditating or getting some kind of work done on my back, like physical therapy or acupuncture. That's where I get my best ideas, maybe because I'm balancing my body.
Katy Perry 

I was left to painstakingly deal with the aftermath of my avoidance later in life, in therapy or through the lyrics of my songs.
Alanis Morissette 

To go into therapy is an adventure...
Jeff Bridges 

In therapy I have learned the importance of keeping spiritual life and professional life balanced. I need to regain my balance.
Tiger Woods 

We may define therapy as a search for value.
Abraham Maslow 

Greatness

" If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great. "

Tom Hanks

Children

 Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom. 

Eric Erikson

Success

" By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed. "

Albert Ellis

Acceptance

" Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human. 

Albert Ellis

Self-Esteem

" Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves. "

Nathaniel Brandon

Therapy

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.
Hubert H. Humphrey 

It's More Difficult For People to Control Their Eating Habits Than Narcotics

That is the one single word that the food industry hates: "addiction." They much prefer words like "crave-ability" and "allure." Some of the top scientists who are very knowledgeable about addiction in the country are very convinced that for some people, the most highly sugared, high fat foods are every bit as addictive as some narcotics.

Their advice to these people is don't try to eat just a couple Oreo cookies, because you are not going to be able to stop. Sugar uses the same neurological pathways as narcotic [products rely on] to hit the pleasure center of the brain that send out the signals: "eat more, eat more." That said, the food industry defends itself by saying true narcotic addiction has certain technical thresholds that you just don't find in food addiction. It's true, but in some ways getting unhooked on foods is harder than getting unhooked on narcotics, because you can't go cold turkey. You can't just stop eating.

The head of the National Institute on Drug Abuse in Washington says that it's more difficult for people to control their eating habits than narcotics. She is hugely empathic with overeaters.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/01/health/salt-sugar-fat-moss-time/index.html?hpt=li_c2

What Would You Do?

Surrogate Offered $10,000 to Abort Baby

A fascinating situation highlighting the current complexities and dynamics of families

What Is Love?

What does it mean to treat yourself with love?  For me, I think it means different things to different people. We all wish to be loved in different ways depending on what is important to us.  Some show love by what they do, or by their actions, some show love through their words, and some will show you both.   For me, I feel the most loved when I am feeling good about myself.  I feel loved when I have people in my life who accept me for who I am.  People who stand by you through thick and thin are the people to hold on to.  These are the people you can count on one hand.  The people who love you will take your hand through the dark and celebrate with you during the light.
 

Special

There is something special to see in everyone. 

It's Ok To Feel Jealous

It’s okay to feel jealous sometimes.  There are situations that will be out of our control.  There is enough love to go around. Every relationship is different and will change too. There is enough love for you to love many and other’s have enough love to love many as well.