Friday, February 28, 2014

Every Relationship Needs A Little E.Q.

Every Relationship Needs A Little EQ 
Dr. Corinne Scholtz, LMFT specializes in marriage and family therapy in Ft. Lauderdale, 33301 & 33308. 

Unlike your I.Q., E.Q. stands for Emotional Intelligence and it's vital to the quality of relationships.
I see many couples in counseling who are in conflict, and not quite sure how to resolve the issue and move forward.  They cause each other frustration and pain, and seek marriage therapy to provide insight into how to improve their relationship.

After years of research on highly-satisfied married couples, researcher J. Gottman concluded that “happy marriages are based on deep friendship,” defined as “a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.”  We tend not to enjoy each other's company when marital conflict appears.   And some degree of marital conflict is inevitable.  So, what to do?

Developing a deep friendship involves knowing the other person's likes, dislikes, preferences, daily frustrations, irritations and joy.  As much as we think we know the other, if we neglect to spend time 'checking in' with our partner we may miss out on this information.  After all, no one's growth is static, we are evolving all the time.

Having a deep friendship creates the opportunity for positive thoughts about the other to override negative thoughts.  What this means is if you can hold on to the idea that your partner is well intentioned and is a good person,  you will likely approach the conflict from a place of understanding.  If you fall into the trap of thinking your partner is ill-intentioned, more blame and defensiveness may appear.

Continuing to develop a deep friendship is one clue to emotional intelligence.  As John Gottman says, “The more emotionally intelligent a couple – the better able they are to understand, honor, and respect each other and their marriage – the more likely that they will live happily ever after.”