Tuesday, October 30, 2012

In terms of communication, what makes a marriage work?!?!

“When choosing a long-term partner, you are inevitably choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or fifty years”
Psychologist Dan Wile, After the Honeymoon. 

Your marriage will be successful to the degree that the problems you choose are one’s that you can cope with. [Gottman, pg. 131]

Every relationship will have its share of issues to negotiate. While some may be small annoyances, others may have couples in complete conflict where there is non-stop arguing, or perhaps they have distanced themselves from each other as a protective device from the arguing.  Despite what many therapists may say, you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive! [Gottman, pg. 131]

Gottman has found that all marital conflict falls into two categories:

  • They are either resolvable, or
  • Perpetual, which means that they will be a part of your relationship and be in your life forever!  Unfortunately, Gottman says that 69% of marital conflicts fall into this category! 
  • The goal then becomes not about solving the problem, but learning to dialogue about the problem in a way that allows each partner to remain connected. 

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Anxiety - An Immediate Tool For Dealing With Your Anxiety

This technique involves stimulating both sides of the brain to stop anxiety. It is absurdly simple yet amazingly effective.

Grab a ball (or apple or anything you can toss) and think of something that is causing you some anxiety. When you can feel that anxiety somewhere in your body, rate the level of it on a scale of one to ten.

Now pass the ball back and forth, from one hand to the other, crossing the mid line, so you are stimulating both hemispheres of the brain. It will have a more rapid effect if you keep one hand in front of you as the other swings out to the side each time you pass the ball,. Do this for a minute. Stop. Take a deep breath, and check in.

You might note that the anxiety has dissipated. This is because by activating both hemispheres, you are spreading blood and electrical impulses throughout the brain and this floods that area of association and diffuses it. That bully of an anxiety cluster just can’t stay the same.

Now, think of the same situation again and see how much anxiety you can manage to conjure up, and rate it once again on the ten- to-one scale.

Pass the ball or other object for a minute, and check in. Repeat till the anxiety has completely diffused.

This is something you can do anywhere. As soon as you start to feel that anxiety, simply grab an object—keys, a bottle of water, anything will work as long as you are moving both your arms, and crossing the mid-line of your body.

Tiers, Melissa (2012-01-29). The Anti-Anxiety Toolkit (pp. 14-15).  . Kindle Edition.

The Center of Connected Living - Fl
Dr Corinne Scholtz, LMFT
2425 E Commercial Blvd. Ste 400, Ft Lauderdale, Fl 33308