When You're Down and Out

I've recently worked with parents who are feeling guilty for mistakes they've made in their lives, and the effects this has on their children.  Sometimes they've been incarcerated, divorced, in poverty, relying on substances and more.  Whatever the case may be, at one point or another we are all going to go through a down and out phase of life.  That's the nature of living.

What's most important and a great lesson to show kids is that no matter how bad it's been, you can choose to look forward and begin again.  Showing kids how to pick themselves up, heal the wounds of life, and forgive are life lessons that can't be learned intellectually, but through experience.  So, instead of living in a limited world of the past, look at what you have to be grateful for in this moment, and nurture the visions you have for your future.

- Dr. Corinne Scholtz in a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice.  She works with pre-adolescent and adolescent children in Ft Lauderdale and the surrounding area.  Contact her for more information about how she works with kids at corinne.scholtz@connectedliving-fl.com

How many ways can you integrate an iPhone into therapy?!

How many ways can you integrate an iPhone into therapy?!

It turns out, several!  I have clients who download affirmations and receive mantras daily on their phones.  Other clients speak and record their own voice on the phone reminding them of their intention(s) and listen to it throughout the day and week.  I'm toying with the idea of integrating videoing into session with the client's consent of course…my idea is to record an argument or a conversation between the two - on one of their phones - and play it back in slower motion with them.  I've found in the past that if I can slow the pace of a conversation it's becomes really productive. 

Lately, a client described to me that one of her go-to coping skills for dealing with anxiety and worry is to call her mom.  She ends up calling her mom with all her concerns. This creates one version of her identity to her mom as a woman who is negative,  worried all the time, and fearful.  In reality, she admits she isn't these things all the time, but most of their conversations are filled with this type of content that it's no wonder her mom thinks this. 

She describes that as a child she would speak and sing into a recorder and listen to it back.  That's when we came up with an idea!  We would use her iPhone as her recorder, and instead of calling her mom to 'talk-it-out', she would record her thoughts and feelings.  Later, when she has a chance to take a step back, she is going to listen to her recording, and think about ways to respond as if it were her friend talking to her!  This addresses her need to talk, allows that conversation with her mom to evolve, and puts her in a empowered role of calming and reassuring herself. 

-Dr. Corinne Scholtz is one of Ft. Lauderdale's top-rated local marriage and family therapists. She specializes in marital therapy, couples counseling, individual concerns and more.   Corinne offers free phone consultations…contact her and get started today.

Acceptance = Growth

As many of you know, I've been on a yoga retreat in Costa Rica.  Part of the experience is a morning meditation, vinyasa hot yoga class, clean eating and body work.  What I'm working on is accepting.  Accepting what is in this moment, in contrast to wishing something was different, or 'better'.  The hardest things to accept in the moment are the areas where we most need to pay attention.  If we try to bypass the acceptance phase, we continue to fight internally with ourselves.  There's the saying 'what you resist will persist'.

In therapy I'm consciously aware of the moments when clients attempt to shift the conversation or avoid talking about the more uncomfortable, vulnerable areas of their lives and relationships.  This signals to me that this is where the real healing can begin.  My ultimate goal is to work at the clients pace, retaining the integrity of their process, and being 'present' as they work through their 'stuff''.  I think we should honor our 'stuff' because that's where compassion and empathy arise.  Once we can own our stuff it makes it easier for others to do the same.

For support and guidance contact me.  I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. Or always feel free to email me.

-Dr. Corinne Scholtz is a licensed marriage and family therapist.  She is the owner of one of S. Florida's premier locations for optional mental and emotional health.  Her expertise is working with relationships - individual therapy, couples therapy, marital counseling, teen support and more. 

A New Response to Feeling Judged

Today I'm thinking about those uncomfortable experiences when we feel judged, or wary of being judged in the future, by someone whose opinion matters to us.   Many times this is an internal fear, something that arises in our minds and convinces us that its truth.  But where we assume wrong - and yes, this fear is an assumption - is thinking we know what others think about us.  In reality, no matter what we do, we can never control anyone's thoughts about us, and nor should we try to.  It's really none of our business!   But we somehow believe that we know what someone else will think, and then respond to that assumption in our mind.  You've started an internal conversation with yourself that has now has nothing to do with the other person!  Our behavior follows our thoughts and my suggestion to you today is to see when you are falling into this mental trap.

The Center of Connected Living is Ft Lauderdale's location for optimal mental and emotional health.  Dr Corinne Scholtz specializes in couples therapy, marital counseling, and individual issues.  Contact her now to learn more about dealing with feeling judged. 

Taking A Break From Yourself!

I'm on a yoga retreat this week in Costa Rica.  As a therapist it's so important to take care of your own mental, emotional and spiritual needs.  After all, you want the very best your therapist can give…and therapy is an intensely personal craft that takes care.

This morning I was taking pictures around the property of the spa where our group is staying.  There is an abundance of nature, sounds, scents and energy that I don't often find in Ft. Lauderdale.  In that moment I recognized that I can take a 'break' from myself!  My routine, normal way of going about things, but more importantly my thinking about things.  This week I'm going to challenge myself to see what I can let go of, what no longer serves me.  The only thing we have control over is our own thinking…I extend my challenge to you this week.  No matter what's facing you or what lies ahead, try playing around with your thinking about the problem.  Sometimes a change in perspective and attitude is all we need.  Curious about getting guidance for this task - contact me now via email and I'll share more ideas.

- Dr Corinne Scholtz specializes in marriage and family therapy in and around the Ft Lauderdale area. She is a top-rated local therapist and works with a wide variety of concerns and problems facing couples and individuals.

Marital Therapy? One of the best things for troubled relationships

Marital therapy is probably the best single thing that people in troubled marriages can do to help heal their marriages. Therapy provides support and can help distrusting and disengaged partners safely address their difficulties and begin the process of problem solving and healing.  One key component of this is confidentiality or working to make the therapy room a place of safety. 

This includes setting a tone of trust, for if clients feel a lack of trust with their therapist it’s likely they won’t get very far.  Emotional safety and trust begins to build a foundation to manage couples’ anger, frustration and contempt.  A skilled therapist will provide neutrality and privacy that helps couples to step out of defensive, combative, aggressive patterns of communication.

-- Dr Corinne Scholtz is a top-rated local family therapist who specializes in marriage counseling and couples therapy.  She has two office locations in 33301 and 33308.