Tuesday, May 22, 2012

What's the best for our baby?

The baby, dad and i are not together. we seem not to be able to get along. what should we do for our baby's sake?

Hi Stephanie,
Really good question. Once a couple have a baby they are connected for life because of this little person. Regardless of the relationship between you and the baby's dad, you are both forever the parents to this little one. There are some who believe that a child growing up with parents who are not together will not necessarily influence the child in a negative way.

The two most important things you can both do for your child is to create and maintain a healthy relationship between you and your child, as well as between child and father. Stable consistent positive contact with each parent and baby is most important. And, of course, the better relationship you and the father have will make life easier for your child.

You state in your question that you 'seem' to not be able to get along. This leads me to think that maybe there have been times when you have gotten along better. Or that perhaps you realize that having a baby is a transition for all and that things between you two may improve in the future. There are always key issues that will challenge every couple, especially when children are involved.

I suggest that parenting classes can be a great resource for new parents. They will introduce skills that perhaps you two can use.

One last thought, if you and the father do disagree often, get into arguments, and feel angry, the best thing you can do for your child is to make sure that they are not a witness to these behaviors. Children are highly attuned and sensitive and pick up on more than we realize. The interactions the baby is a part of now can affect relationship far into the future.

If you have other thoughts, questions, ideas after you have read this, please write to me. I am sure we can go into more detail with more information about your situation. Stay positive and know that this relationship can improve.


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